I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
