I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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