Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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