Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
