First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
