I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
