He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
