My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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