I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
