His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
