Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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