3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
