omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize