I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
