By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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