i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
