I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
