She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
