where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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