How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
