i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
