i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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