i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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