He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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