cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
