bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
