please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
