I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
