you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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