yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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