forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
