Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Welp...herpes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
