She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
