Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
