I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
