do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
