break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
