those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hippo gnu deer
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
