I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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