but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
