His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
