im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
