You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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