so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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