I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
