This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
