Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
