Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
