I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
