the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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