You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
