Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
