the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
