So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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