i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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