So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
