Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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