you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
