i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
