... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize