All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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