R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
