the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
