Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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