Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
honey bunches of taint.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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