I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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