Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
