ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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