I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
