Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
