ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
