puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
