If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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