she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
