I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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